Other Distractions alt ending
by wolfgirl2001
Summary: A darker ending for my other story, Other Distractions- read that one first! Takes place during Breaking Dawn. Bella's POV, B/J, B/E
1. 23 Options?

**Other Distractions (alt. ending)**

**A/N:** If you liked the syrupy-sweetness of the ending in Other Distractions, you probably won't like this. I realized after I had invested time writing Other Distractions that I wanted it to have a happy ending, so I changed it. But this was my original vision for the ending of the story- a more anti-Hollywood version. This picks up in the middle Chapter 23- Options. I've indicated *where I've changed it from the original story. Here goes….

Options?

What Jacob and I shared was…special, but never in a million years could I have possibly imagined how meaningful it _still_ was. If nothing else, this new development entitled me to a few minutes of Jacob's time. He deserved to know. And he _needed_ to know, he was _going_ to know, whether he wanted to or not. My overwhelming shock slowly transformed itself into gut-wrenching anxiety as I started getting closer and closer to the Quileute boundary. _What if he didn't want to talk to me? What if he didn't even care?_

As I approached La Push, I wondered if I should go to the Blacks' or to Emily's. Since Emily's was closer, I figured that perhaps I should swing by there first. I had been there before; knew how to navigate my way to the tiny house. Sam was the last person I spoke to, and all of the events Jacob had to attend this past week seemed to take place there. Thankfully, there were cars parked in the driveway. Momentarily relieved, I got out of my car and approached the cottage. *As I was walking up the steps to the doorway, it slowly opened and Jacob gradually appeared before me.

Though Sam had given me plenty of forewarning, there's no way I could have prepared myself for the look in Jacob's eyes. There was such a…._disconnect_….with the way that he was now staring at me. His gaze was clouded over, but not with lust or passion like the last time I had seen him. Just distance. He looked like he was in a trance. It crushed me, hurt me physically- the pain was overwhelming. I inhaled sharply. All I wanted to do was snap him out of it. At that moment, I would have done anything to snap him out of it. It took me a few seconds to collect myself.

"Jacob," I breathed, the emotion just flooding out as I exhaled his name. Partly reflexive, partly intentional. Anything, _anything_, to try to get him to remember who I was, who _we_ were. Jacob remained expressionless- at least he refrained from the expressions that I wanted to see. He looked sad, pained, but not in a _Bella I'm in love with you and I'm so sorry that Sam misled you_ kind of way. More like a _Bella I'm in love with someone else and I'm so sorry that I'm going to have to hurt you_ kind of way. I felt my heart, my still-beating heart, start to break.

"Jacob, I'm back," I burst out, not giving him a chance to say the things I didn't want to hear, not giving myself a chance to think, or to cry. "You promised me that if I came back that you would marry me. You _promised_." I hated sounding like a whiny teenager, but I had to say it. I just couldn't let him forget.

"Bella," Jacob replied, calmly reaching his hand out, putting it on my cheek, gently holding it there. Though he intended for his touch to have a soothing effect, instead I felt my mental and emotional states unravel even more.

"Jacob, don't," I said, rattled, moving my face away. I didn't want him to touch me. I knew it would only tear me apart. We had been so much…._more_, how could we go back to being less? I couldn't comprehend it.

Jacob pulled me in close for a hug. I tried, with all of my might, to push him away, but it was futile- he was just too strong. It reminded me of when he had tried to kiss me that first time. I had eventually stopped trying to resist, let him in. Metaphorically, I felt like that was what was happening now- except now, after I finally let him close to me, let myself be drawn towards him, let myself be _vulnerable_ towards him - _he_ was the one pushing _me_ away. My emotions took over. I burst into tears, my body racked with sobs, as I found myself completely breaking down in his embrace. "Jacob, how could you?" I screamed. "How could you?" I repeated, hysterical, desperation in my tone.

Jacob released me slightly; looked straight into my eyes, spoke serenely. "Bella, I never had a choice. I never had an option. You told me the same thing once." He sounded so calm, mature. All of a sudden he made me feel like I was a child. I don't remember the most recent tally of our relative ages, but to an outsider, it had to look like Jacob was 28; and I was 7, or something.

"Who is she, Jacob?" I inquired. The moment that the words were out of my mouth, I regretted saying them. Truly, I didn't want to know. It didn't matter. _It wasn't me_. I knew that already. That was all that mattered.

As if reading my mind, Jacob responded. "It doesn't matter to you, Bella. You don't know her." His expression changed as his mind shifted to whomever it was that was now fully occupying it. His mouth involuntarily lifted upward at the corners, and his black eyes sparkled- they lit up about as much as black eyes could, I suppose. He looked so…._in love_. He had almost looked at me that way. _Almost_. But not quite. Because he also looked…..so _certain_. We never had that, the certainty.

"When…." I trailed off, couldn't bring myself to complete the sentence.

"The day before yesterday. Forty-two hours and seventeen minutes ago, in fact," he said, grinning. If he had said this back when we had been just friends, I probably would have teasingly punched him on the arm, joked about how pathetic it was that he knew the time down to the minute. As it stood, however, I found his lovestruck behavior incredibly endearing- when, for once, it wasn't aimed at me. He wasn't being cocky, showing off. He was just that entranced. God, I wish I still did that for him.

"Where…" I was starting to feel like an investigative reporter, or a journalist. _How, Who, When, Where_. _What_? That one was obvious. _Jacob imprinted_. _Why_? I'm not sure anyone really knew that one. The stupid werewolf gene. A pretty vague answer for such an important question. Not good enough.

"….did I meet her?" Jacob finished my sentence, gauging my reaction. He saw how emotional I was; wanted to say as few words that would hurt me as possible. "She's from the Yaquina tribe. I met her here."

"No, Jacob, I meant—where is she now?" I coughed dryly. What a masochist I was. Why did I feel like I needed to know?

Jacob cleared his throat uncomfortably, hesitated. "She's….here. Inside."

That was it. I couldn't take any more- I had reached my limit of how much I could be hurt in a single encounter. Without a word, I turned and started to make my way down the Uleys' front path towards the Guardian. Jacob didn't stop me. After a brief time, I turned around. He was gazing love sickeningly through the front window, giving a half wave to her through the glass with a shitty grin on his face. The only relief I experienced in that moment was that I could only see my reflection in the window; not the girl on the other side. I turned back around and ran the rest of the way towards the car.

My face a mess of tears, I opened the passengers' seat, reached into my overnight bag stowed there. I frantically rummaged through it, searching for my keys. Without thinking, my hand slid down one of the side pockets and felt a cold metal sensation. The chain. The necklace. I slowly followed it until I felt the wooden pendant, traced the heart-shaped outline with my forefinger. _The two of us coming together as one_. It suddenly occurred to me that I had forgotten to say what I had come here to tell him.


	2. 24 Declaration, Again

Declaration, again

I rubbed the face of the pendant lightly with the pad of my thumb, feeling the intricate etching, trying to extract any magical properties, like it was a rabbit's foot. In a way, it _was_ magical- Jacob had carved it when we were on top of the world, in bed together, when he was in love with me. When he wanted to marry me. God, that was only a week ago. How could things have changed so much?

I kept rubbing for several seconds, though I realized that my behavior probably looked suspicious- surely no one would take that long to find their keys in a small bag. But feeling the carved wolf, my face, somehow soothed me- and reminded me of a time where Jacob would do anything for me, do anything to make me happy- which was essentially the entire time I've known him. Minus a couple weeks when he had first become a werewolf, and most recently the last day and a half. _Actually, forty-two hours and about twenty-five minutes_, I corrected myself. But who was I kidding? Jacob probably wouldn't even notice that I was still here. _What was that expression about not knowing what you had until it was gone?_ I wondered bitterly.

Drawing my strength from what I could swear was the necklace gathered tightly in my left fist, I slowly turned around and strode back towards the front door. Jacob had apparently finished the love-fest with his new imprintee through the window and was now looking at me quizzically. I walked purposefully, decisively, towards him. I had something that I needed to say, and I wasn't going to leave until I said it. And I wasn't going to let anything- not even the devastating loss of my best friend and lover to a complete stranger- make me forget to say it.

"Jacob, there's something that I need to tell you before I go," I said as I approached him. He raised a black eyebrow in acknowledgement but otherwise remained silent, letting me have the floor. I took a deep breath, mentally tried to prepare myself for his reaction. If there was a reaction. _Close your eyes. Then you won't know_, I told myself. _Good idea_. "I'm pregnant."

Silence. I heard, felt nothing, for several moments. Briefly, I wondered whether he sneaked away, ran. I was dying to open my eyes, and yet at the same time terrified to. What was he doing? Curiosity got the best of me. I slowly, slowly, squinted one eye as I opened it.

Jacob was shocked. Absolutely shocked- his jaw was practically on the ground. But behind the shock in his dark eyes, I could see the….despair, anguish. Not the reaction that I was looking for. But at least I knew. I knew what was going to come out of his already open mouth before he could even formulate the words. For that, I was thankful. "Bella, it……won't change anything," he finally said. His words were gruff, but as he said them a tear formed at the corner of his eyelid. This was torturing him. Good.

I felt the selfish urge to say more. I wanted to hurt him, cause him a small fraction of the damage that he had inflicted upon me. I thought of the most provoking keywords I could fathom. _Let me see if I can use them all in one sentence_.

"Jacob, you are the _father_ of this _baby_. This is _ours_. Unless you want me to get an _abortion_?" There. Had I used them all? I couldn't remember- I hoped so.

Jacob looked like he was about to fall apart. I felt some small degree of satisfaction, having let some of my hurt out, turning it back around on him.

Jacob took a few moments, biting his lip, fighting back tears. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally spoke. "Bella, what I just said was a lie. Of course you having a baby would change things. But it wouldn't make them any better. Trust me. So I'm going to say that what you decide to do is entirely your choice. If you decide to have this baby, I promise to be the best dad I possibly can. My dad was the greatest- and so much of the time I didn't have a mom around- and if you go through with this I want to do whatever I can to honor that, bring the kid up right. I would love it, and provide for it, and always be there for it. But Bella, you need to know that you having a kid isn't going to change the way I feel about Irina. It just isn't- nothing will. And you can try to use this baby to bring us together, and maybe we will see each other more, and maybe we will always have something amazing to share, to talk about. But it won't change how I feel- my heart belongs to her, Bella."

_Irina. So that was her name_. Conveniently remembering that I in fact had his heart balled up in the palm of my left hand, I wound up, and pitched it towards him as hard as I could, baseball style. Jake looked shocked as it hit him directly in the chest, then fell to the ground. A tiny hint of a grin appeared at the one corner of my mouth. I couldn't help it. I thought of the Cullens' playing baseball. Alice would have been proud. "It certainly doesn't belong to me anymore," I said. Thinking that I had spoken the perfect closing line, one that probably gave me more power than anything else I had said, I turned and started to walk away again.

This time, Jacob did stop me. He had appeared to recover from his momentary daze. "Wait, Bella," he said, reaching out to grab my wrist. "_I_ have something I need to tell _you_ before you go."

"What is it, Jacob?" I asked, a bit rudely. I just wanted to get the hell out of there. His heart was gone. There was no point in continuing to fight for it. I had lost- and now I needed to slink off, make my shameful exit.

"Bella, the day after I met Irina, well, yesterday, I guess, I sat down and had a long talk with the pack. You need to know that I convinced them not to act if the Cullens' break the treaty."

For a moment, I was utterly confused. "What? What are you talking about, Jake? Break the treaty how-" As I was speaking the words, it hit me. _How as in how it was going to be broken this morning_, I thought.

"Well, in case that you decide that you want to be…" Jacob shuddered, "with your bloodsu- Edward, I don't want the pack to come in the way of that anymore. It's the least we can do- especially because the circumstances are so unique. Obviously, if he bites you it will be because you tell him to."

Despite my earlier breakdown, I felt tranquil now, calm. I nodded brusquely.

Jacob continued. "Bella, I know that you may not believe it right now, but I still love you. " He gripped my arms with his huge hands, stared into my eyes. "Just not in the same way. But you have to know that despite everything that I still want you to be happy." Looking back at him, I could tell he was being sincere. I felt overwhelmed with emotion for a moment, immediately grateful that I let him stop me from my attempted departure a minute ago. Even though Jacob and I didn't have our happy ending, and I no longer had the perfect closing line, that I got to hear those words from him made things better, worth it.

"I love you, too, Jacob," I whispered. "And….I understand. You are with someone now that can give you her entire heart. I have never been able to do that- and you deserve it." I knew that I was diluting any remaining power I possessed, but I didn't care anymore. As much as it pained me to speak the words, they were all true. And any power I had left was not enough to change things, so what was the point in holding on to it? He did deserve better. I had known it all along.

I kissed his cheek once. Then, realizing that I liked this closing line even more, I turned and walked away. I had a lot to think about.


	3. 25 Family, Again

Family, again

I managed to don my brave face while pulling away in the Guardian. Though Jacob's heart was elsewhere, he wasn't an insensitive asshole- he might have been upset enough to try to stop me if I had left with tears streaming down my cheeks. _Wishful thinking, Bella. _Regardless, I didn't want to chance dragging out our encounter for even another nanosecond- so I contorted my face enough to force back any tears until long after I was out of sight. Funnily enough, even after I reached the point where I could cry freely without being noticed, I found that I didn't want to- my adrenaline was pumping too intensely. Instead, I focused every fiber of my conscious being on evaluating my current situation, leaving my subconscious being no major responsibility except for keeping the Guardian out of oncoming traffic.

I think one of the reasons that I didn't break down again was that I was all cried out. It was a gut-wrenching, tear jerking, heartbreaking visit to see Jacob- but I had expected it to be. That feeling was rapidly being replaced with another one that at this moment was far more difficult to deal with- utter confusion. Not because the emotion itself was any more debilitating- rather, in my heightened emotional state I simply hadn't bothered to look past the sadness I would feel for losing Jacob, so unfortunately it caught me completely by surprise. Deep down I knew that Jacob wasn't going to change his mind and decide to be with me, despite the magnitude of the news that I had just told him. Imprinting was just too absolute- all I had to do was look at Leah to see that. But for some strange reason I hadn't thought about a contingency plan. So what in the hell was I going to do now?

I felt a strange sense of déjà vu, having major issues to internally debate while making the twenty-minute drive from La Push to Forks. I suppose that could be attributed to the fact that Jacob had always seemed to give me something big to think about. I took solace in the knowledge that I would never let that happen again. He had made his choice- and I was driving as far away from him, it, as I could. But where was I going to go? I quickly realized that there was only one answer to that question, no matter how conflicted I might have felt. _The Cullen's_.

Carlisle and Edward, I had to assume for the sake of my sanity, were still waiting for me, and would be there if I decided to join their family. But….I had my _own_ family, if I decided that was what I wanted instead. _Well, sort of_, I thought, as I glanced down at my still slender abdomen. But eventually, the little ball of cells in my uterus and I could become a family- as incomplete as it may seem without Jacob, I could at least keep Charlie and Renee in my life. Though I didn't yet know which family I would commit myself to, I did know that at the very least, I needed to tell Carlisle and Edward my decision. _Whatever that was going to be_.

The question now (besides the BIG question) was- how long could I take to think about it? How long should it take for me to make a decision this big? On one hand, stay human and have Jacob's baby, knowing I would have his help, but not his heart. On the other, give up the rest of my life, and my unborn child, for immortality and an eternity with Edward and the Cullen's. It's not as if I were choosing between two different brands of laundry detergent. I needed to think this through, let the Bella angel and Bella devil over my shoulder duke it out in a no-holds-barred cage match.

On the other hand, I could sense that time was going to be a factor. Thinking that Carlisle and Edward were still waiting for me might have been a safe assumption, but it certainly wasn't a fair one. And after what they've endured, after what I've put the whole Cullen family through, was it reasonable of me to expect for them to wait on me and my indecision, set up everything for the transformation again tomorrow? Or the next day? Or until I could really be certain of what I wanted? Would I ever really be certain?

Furthermore, regardless of what was reasonable, I feared that if I waited too long to make my choice, it might be taken away from me again. I cringed as I thought about Jacob's imprinting. What if I had told him, right then and there when he gave me that necklace, that I wanted to be with him and him alone? What if I had convinced Jacob to stay with me, away from Sam, away from the Yaquina tribe? Perhaps I wouldn't be going through any of this, Jacob and I would be together while I was pregnant with his baby, and all would be right in the world. I cursed myself for playing the _what if_ game. It wasn't going to do me a lick of good now.

I kept driving beyond the turnoff to Charlie's house, heading straight for the Cullen's, desperate to see that things hadn't changed, that they would still hold up their end of the bargain if I asked them to. I hadn't even spoken to Edward alone since finding out from Carlisle that I was pregnant. I prayed that the offer to transform me hadn't been rescinded. Even if I wasn't even sure that I was going to take them up on it, I needed to know that it was there. I needed to be able to make a choice, and if having that choice forced me to make my decision quickly, instinctively, so be it.

For the second time that morning, I parked outside of the Cullen house. The first time I had been ready to be changed; this time, I wasn't so naïve. I was now much more informed about what I would lose in the transformation process. Would what I gain be enough to compensate? That was the million-dollar question.

I walked up the driveway and entered the house without knocking. When I walked into the kitchen, the rest of the Cullen clan was dead silent- naturally, Alice had seen me coming and had been able to hush the conversation prior to my arrival. It was probably just as well, because I most certainly would have preferred to _not_ hear the things that they were thinking about me, saying about me. I said one word. "Edward?" I whispered.

Esme came over to me and put her arm around my shoulders. "He and Carlisle are still upstairs, in his room, Bella," she said sweetly. She rubbed my shoulders gently yet vigorously with her cool hands, creating friction, warming me, comforting me. She was being so sweet. I didn't deserve her. I didn't deserve any of them. I turned towards the stairs before I could tear up.

Again, for the second time in as many hours, I walked up the stairs. But this time Edward wasn't guiding me- I was on my own. My heart pounded exponentially louder as I reached the top of the stairs and started towards Edward's bedroom. Obviously Edward and Carlisle would hear me coming, as well.

When I entered the bedroom, Edward and Carlisle were still in the precise positions in which I had left them. While utterly silent, I had the feeling that they, too, had been engaged in serious conversation. Though I knew that vampires didn't need to move the way that people did, and that Edward could read Carlisle's mind thus eliminating the need for speech, it still felt ….well, eerie. As though I had paused a movie, left the room, and forgotten about it, until going back and seeing the still figures on the TV screen.

"I'm….sorry I ran," I choked out hoarsely. My breathlessness didn't have anything to do with my walk up the huge flight of stairs and down the hall and had everything to do with my suddenly paralyzing fear, compounded with my already overwhelming sense of loss. "I just….had to talk to…..Jacob….before I decided." I tried to say it lightly, make it sound like Jacob and I just chit-chatted, as we would about the weather. And that I actually knew what my decision was going to be. Edward wasn't fooled. He approached me slowly and put his arms around me for a hug. I hugged him back for a moment, but I forced myself to stay strong, not to cry, and took a step back from Edward before I could break down. I stuffed my hands into my pockets, trying to keep them warm, and looked downward.

Edward couldn't read my mind, but he could read my face. "I'm so sorry, Bella." He said seriously, reaching out and gently pulling my chin up, looking deep into my eyes. "It looks like you've been through a lot in the past couple of hours. But….please know that I love you more than ever. I would love for you become a part of our family, if you still want to."

I closed my eyes, silently exhaled with some measure of relief. I still had a choice! I could still become a Cullen. _Or_, I thought, _I could become a mom_. My hand closed over some change in my pocket, and I separated a single coin with my fingertips, thick and smooth around the edges- it must have been a nickel. Just then, I had a ludicrous thought. Heads- vampire, tails- human? _No way, Bella, that's crazy_, I told myself. Then again, had I come up with anything better?

Impulsively, I pulled the nickel out of my pocket, flipped it high into the air, watched it tumble end over end. But by the time I heard the clink of the coin on the floor, I was looking in Edward's eyes, not at the result. I broke into a grin. I had made up my mind about which family I wanted to join before the nickel had hit the ground.

* * *

A/N: Okay, I've given up on writing any more of this, sorry. I was going to have one more chapter- the Epilogue, describing her life after she made her choice. But face it, either way, Bella's options are pretty bleak- have Jacob's baby when he's in love with someone else, or abort her child to become a part of Edward's family when her first choice was to be with Jacob? While to me this ending was more realistic in theory, it's just depressing to write about- so it reaffirms to me that I made the right decision by writing the happy one.


End file.
